I want MORE!

I lie. No really. Everyday when I parade around school with this arrogance and crack jokes, I lie to myself and my peers. It matters what people think of me. It REALLY matters. People's opinion of me is my source of determination. I don't mean my physical features or how popular I am. I don't believe I'm smart but because people percieve me as intelligent I try my best to fufill my assigned role. I want so bad to break out of my shell,meet new people, or make new friends. But I'm constantly trapped by the expectations of others.


It angers me that I have to prove to someone that I'm smart in order for them to treat like they treat my peers. I like being the only black person among my friends-it sets me apart. It hurts me when I don't get invited to social events when all my friends are invited. It angers me when teachers think I'm stupid and cheat off of johnny to get by. I'm exstremely jealous of my best friend. I truly believe that the two friends I actully care about cAre nothing about me.

I hate my father. My mother gets on my nerves everyday. I have visions of running away at least 3 times a week. My sister and I will never be that close. I don't like most of my family. The only guy I really crushed on liked m back once buy I was ignorant I pushed him away. I'm poor. It angers me that my dad a better life that I do.

I hurt constantly inside.
I cry at least 2 times a week.
Relegion is a very confusing topic right now.
I still believe in Jesus but i don't know where I stand.
I think I'm goiging to hell when I die.
I truly believe I am a bad person.
I am uncomfortable with saying the words I love you.
I'm confused.
I don't know what I want for my future.
I fear failure.

Meet the REAL Fantasia, the girl you'll never know.